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Set in 1976, Jackie Moon (Ferrell) is a singer who has used the profits from his one hit single "Love Me Sexy", to buy a basketball team in the American Basketball Association, the Flint Tropics, becoming the owner, head coach, and starting power forward. The ABA Commissioner (David Koechner) announces plans to merge with the National Basketball Association, but only four teams will move to the more established league. The Tropics, the worst team in the league, are in danger of dissolving. In response, Jackie argues that the teams with the four best records overall should be merged into the NBA. The Commissioner reluctantly accepts Jackie's offer.

Now that the Tropics have somewhat of a shot to be an NBA franchise, Jackie trades away the team's washing machine to the Kentucky Colonels for Ed Monix, (Harrelson) former backup point guard for the NBA Champion Boston Celtics. Soon, the commissioner reveals that as well as having a top four record, the Tropics will also have to have a stable fan base and have an attendance of at least 2,000 fans every remaining game of the season.

Jackie begins to promote wildly by such gimmicks as watching him wrestle a bear after the game. The Tropics begin playing better with Monix, as well as the addition of Moon's friend Clarence Coffee Black (Benjamin). Monix soon takes over as Offensive and Defensive Coordinators, as well as starting point guard, leaving Jackie merely the title of Head Coach. Monix trains the team rigorously with a play he calls the "puke", as the players are to run it, without a ball, until they vomit. After a few hours, every player is in the bathroom vomiting, except for Jackie. It is revealed that Jackie has never vomited in his life, so Monix punches him in the jejunum, effectively making him gag and throw up. From Monix's training, the Tropics go on a winning run, moving them up from last to fifth. Jackie, now extremely excited for the possibilities in his grasp, visits the commissioner again to make sure their deal still stands. Here, the commissioner tells the team that the NBA does not think that Flint has a large enough media market and won't allow the Tropics into the league no matter what their record is. Distressed, Jackie admits that he stole "Love Me Sexy" from a napkin which his mother wrote on three weeks before she died. Now realizing that all his assets, including the team, are basically stolen, Jackie trades Coffee Black to the first place San Antonio Spurs so that he may realize his talent in the NBA. Monix inspires the team to leave everything on the court as, while they may not be able to continue the franchise after this season, they have come very far and still have a lot to prove. Going into the Spurs game, they are in fifth place and with a win they would make it into fourth, although they have no chance in making it into the NBA. The game begins and the Tropics fall behind quickly. In the closing seconds of the first half, Jackie gets fouled hard while going up for a shot, and is injured. Coffee Black decides he has seen enough, and rushes in to the Tropic's locker rooms with the rest of the team, which angers the Spurs' players and coach.

During halftime, an unconscious Jackie imagines that he is in heaven with his mother (Patti LaBelle). He apologizes for stealing her song and then she gives him a weapon in order to win the final game of the franchise. Awaking in the locker room, he tells the team what they are going to do to win. Back on the court, the Tropics reveal their new weapon: the Alley-Oop. With the return of Coffee Black, it is very effective and Coffee Black leads the charge back. At first, the referee doesn't even know how to call the play, but is soon convinced that it's a legitimate score. The Tropics take advantage of this new strategy and begin coming back very dramatically. Then, the Spurs start defending against the alley oop. Monix then takes charge and calls for them to run "the puke" with 12 seconds left and down by two points. The play gives Jackie the ball, but he gets fouled hard again. Shooting "granny style", Moon sinks the first basket. The second rebounds off and Monix tips it in for two points and the Tropics win by one. The coach of the Spurs offers Coffee Black a position on the team, telling him "we could make good use of your alley-oop." Thus, Coffee Black is able to realize his dream of playing in the NBA. Towards the end of the movie, the commissioner offers Jackie the position of assistant commissioner in the NBA. Just as Jackie is about to accept though, the commissioner is mauled by the bear Jackie wrestled with earlier, which leads Jackie to yell out the phrase "Everyone, Panic! Like it's the Titanic! Only With Bears!" as the credits start to roll.